When two people decide to start a stable relationship as a couple, they usually do it because they rationally think they have a person next to them who deserves their interest and attention. That’s not all: the two partners experience mutual feelings of affection and a series of positive emotions, deriving from being close and interacting. All this, not just the irrational part of emotions and feelings, is called love.
In fact, love is a feeling of deep affection towards a person, which manifests itself as a desire to procure his good and to seek his company.
You only want one thing: for this painful crisis to turn into a momentary difficulty. How to save your marriage in a crisis and build trust in relationship? Here are a few things to think about to put the odds in your favor.
Tips to save your relationship
Obviously, therefore, after a crisis, reconciling does not simply mean starting over, everything as before: if there was a crisis it is precisely because that “as before” did not work, it generated malaise, quarrels, misunderstandings, loss of interest in the / of the partner, and the crisis came to demand a change.
Try, individually and in pairs, to understand the causes that generated the crisis
What was wrong with the relationship? What did little work? What worked well? Once these points have been clarified, we need to start over from what worked well, despite everything. This is obviously the main glue of the couple, the one that more than anything else needs to be taken care of and valued.
Then there is what worked little and what didn’t work at all: here the changes required of the couple are really very profound and it is always a good idea to try to get help from a therapist, who can facilitate the change, solving small objections. or reluctance present between the two partners, also because we must not forget the separation and the return to a selfish and narcissistic thought that the crisis may have provoked in both partners.
Learn to communicate
Sometimes kindness is reserved for strangers, while with family members or partners we always show ourselves to the natural: it is a wrong concept. In fact, being courteous and kind does not mean being false or constructed; on the contrary, it means deciding to want to exercise dominion over oneself, to demonstrate to the partner one’s interest and respect towards him / her.
It should not be forgotten that sometimes the lack of interest in the partner does not arise from striking facts, but can simply be generated by the consolidated habit of being treated in a rude way, or cold and detached, or even frankly rude and violent. In addition to this, one must also learn a healthy way of arguing, which is one in which the two partners say things clearly, but never take offense. It’s a difficult balancing act.
Consider and respect your partner’s wishes and needs
Respect for the other is manifested not only in words, but also in deeds. Respecting the needs and desires of the partner means knowing how to listen to them, accepting to talk about them, looking together for the most appropriate way to satisfy them. Not all wishes, of course, can be accepted: for example, some may be absolutely contrary to their values. In this case it is necessary to seek mediation, also through the search for new solutions for old problems. Again, the therapist’s mediation work could be invaluable.
Set up new rules and limits
If there are clear rules to follow, neither partner can claim to have misinterpreted the other’s desire. Likewise, in the presence of unpleasant behavior, one can better prepare to tolerate it, knowing full well that certain limits can never be crossed.
If the crisis has been generated by the wrong behavior of one of the two partners, the one who has suffered the wrong must not automatically feel absolved of all responsibility: if there has been a crisis, obviously also the not having noticed in time the malaise of the other / a, or underestimating it, may have been a mistake.
All the more reason, the partner who caused the crisis, perhaps through betrayal, must show a genuinely sorry behavior and create the conditions for the partner to trust again. Whatever happened, the things to do to better overcome the crisis are these: analyze, understand, forgive, forget.
Try to do something special together
Those who live together experiences that produce positive emotions (joy, happiness, interest, pride, empathy) tend to bond more. They don’t necessarily have to be out of the ordinary: in everyday life you can choose to do things, or hang out with people and situations, capable of transmitting pleasant and satisfying sensations to share.
Learn team play
Deciding to continue living together requires a renewed commitment to the other, a push, which this time can not only start from the heart, but can also be rational, to recreate an atmosphere of affection, solidarity, well-being. Moreover, if you have opted for reconciliation, you are obviously aware that, for your own well-being and values, living with your partner, learning to play as a team, that is, sharing good and bad luck, it is much better than living a fluctuating and uncertain life, in which life satisfaction coincides with self-interest alone.
How to save your marriage?
Choose your words carefully
At the height of the crisis, a couple is rarely able to communicate well. Each of the spouses seems to be going through a dense fog that makes it difficult to take a step back. Your words or those of your partner tend to revolve around your suffering, what you blame the other.
Accusations rise and the conflict escalates. Under these conditions, discussing can be extremely trying and sometimes even pointless (because it generates additional tensions). In order not to make the situation worse, there are a few fairly simple principles to apply.
Saving your marriage: procrastinating decisions
Your relationship is facing a storm and you are not in the best position to make decisions that commit you to the long term. During this difficult period, arguments are frequent, resentments explode and communication is damaged. Don’t try to decide whether to continue or leave.
Remember that time is on your side, and no big decision is ever won out of anger, bitterness, or frustration. For now, the first thing to do is to find an understanding between two and get rid of the conflicts. You will be able to think about your common future once you have really succeeded in communicating.
“Calm the game” to save your marriage
To save your relationship from a conflict situation that is only getting worse, it is essential to put your ego aside. Think about the future of your union rather than responding to that unpleasant thought or that barely masked accusation that your other half has just made to you. To stop this spiral of tension, you have to accept to let go. You can offer a temporary solution to try to ease the tension: leave the room, go for a walk, not speak to you during a party, etc.
However, be sure to explain your approach to your partner so that the latter does not interpret your gesture as an offensive or even a provocation. Explaining that we want everything to go well, that we prefer to move away to reflect and avoid conflict is a reaction that tends to pacify the situation.
Favor pleasant moments to save your marriage
Whether it’s a violent crisis or crippling weariness, you have two options: let yourself be overwhelmed or try to get out of it together. Establishing small rituals, which allow you to rediscover yourself or to change surroundings, is a wise idea.
For example, you can arrange a regular meeting: a weekly coffee in a pretty square, a monthly walk in the countryside, a workout every ten days, etc. Whatever activity you like to do together, it’s about rediscovering the pleasure of spending time together in order to find a minimum of complicity and release the pressure within your relationship.
Question yourself to get through the relationship crisis
The couple crisisis often the expression of a need for accomplishment. However, very often, conflicts are guided by reproaches which one makes to the other but which reveals something about our own subject. Activate a mirror when you analyze the situation of your couple.
Do you think your partner has become boring? Your own inability to direct yourself to what you really like is perhaps at stake. You blame your other half for not making you dream anymore? Perhaps you should also question yourself on some points: What is it that you are dissatisfied with in your own life? If you manage to discuss it together, not only will you get out of the blame (since you are trying to understand the origin of it), but you will also open up to your partner. You can always try to spice up your relationship, with different sex positions or trying tantric sex to connect with each other better.
10 ways to save a relationship in crisis
Being in a romantic relationship is the best feeling in the world because you are with someone you love. Whatever you experience in life, you have the security of knowing that you will never be alone. There will also be fewer chances of feeling down and depressed because you can always find a reason to be happy and that’s the man you love the most. It’s also exciting to count the months and years as the relationship grows stronger and lasts longer.
Remember the old days to save your relationship
If you find that your relationship fails for any reason, always go back to where you and your loved one started. Remember the days when you just realized you were already falling in love – what’s special about your partner that caught your attention? How comfortable did you feel when you see him smile? Remembering the old days, it will help ease the pain or anger you currently feel. It will reduce the stress the relationship is causing you and it will be easier to forgive your partner. Instead of letting the relationship fail, you will find many reasons why you should save her and be together. Ask your partner the same thing: What does he love about you and what made him stay with you for so long?
Save the relationship by communicating
Romantic relationships often fall apart because couples never know each other’s opinions. The relationship ends without really solving or even knowing the real problem. If your relationship is in danger of falling apart, the best way to save it is to communicate with your lover, but also know that there is a correct way to speak. The correct way is to ask your partner relevant questions, listen to what he or she has to say, and then express your opinion afterward. The improper way is to give him an idea of how the relationship is starting to annoy, stress you out, and not even listen to his part. That way, you are sensitive and caring. When a relationship fails, not only are you interested, but your partner as well, so try to be neutral and stop the blame game.
Never forget the romance
One of the things you need to remember when entering a relationship is that you should continue the romance no matter how long you’ve been together. You should be careful that your relationship is ordinary, even if there is nothing wrong with that because you get used to it every day don’t forget the fact that your relationship is special. Have something to eat together at your favorite restaurant, visit the special place where you find yourself from time to time, or discover other hobbies and have fun together. Relationships fail because couples tend to take for granted the time they should spend with each other, so to avoid crisis, keep the love that’s going on with both of them.
Avoid asking for opinions outside the relationship
It is inevitable to come and ask our friends for help sometimes after realizing that our romantic relationships are falling apart. Of course, when we’re depressed, the people we lean on are the ones we trust the most. However, this action is not always effective; rather, it takes us away from saving our relationship. Because? Because opinions outside the relationship often don’t know both sides of the story, so it tends to be more toxic than helpful. Your friends will side with you and get mad at your partner while his friends will side with him and get mad at you. And such views will only trigger your annoyance or anger over the relationship which will lead to the crisis and breakup.
Save the relationship with forgiveness
If you realize that your relationship is about to collapse, it is understandable that it is difficult to let go of the negative emotions you feel towards your partner. But as hard as it is, it’s one of the most effective ways if you really want to save your relationship. Don’t dwell on the past.
Remember that everything that has happened before has been over for a long time already, whether he was cheating on you or cheating on him or lying to you. There is no reason to bring back painful memories of cheating or other harmful actions because nothing will change them. What you should focus on now is the present. Forgive your partner because forgiveness will ease the pain and most likely save the relationship. Also, if you carry anger inside you, it’s not the other person who is suffering, it’s you. Hate will leave you in pieces.
Confess each other’s secrets
Just because you enter a relationship doesn’t mean you have to give up your privacy. Know that it is still your right to keep things personal to yourself, but there is also a limitation. If you’re lying to your partner about something that could potentially harm the relationship, that’s where you’re violating your rights. For example, if you’ve ever cheated on and completely regret having cheated on him, confess it. If he gets mad at you for it, accept it and swallow your pride. And if you really want to gain your partner’s full trust again, prove it with your actions. On the bright side, if you open up completely to him, he may decide to do the same because he will feel that you trust him and will restore that trust to him.
Set the boundaries of relationships for each other
After talking about the issues that could potentially endanger the relationship, set boundaries for each other but never resort to lying and keep your word if you don’t want the trust in the relationship to be completely broken. Tell your partner what you want him to do and what you don’t want him to do, but be prepared when he tells you about his condition as well. However, be aware of these limits that you are setting for each other. Make sure they won’t risk well-being and happiness. Remind both of you that there is a big difference between setting boundaries and taking a person’s freedom. By setting boundaries for each other, you’re trying to avoid occurrences that could trigger arguments and a breakup. If you are respectful of the wishes of others.
Stop the mind games
If your relationship is already about to fall apart, one mistake you can make is playing mind and power games. You are probably familiar with couples who ignore each other because they are waiting for whoever gives up first and approaches the other. This is a big NO. You may get the desired result for a while because your partner may worry at some point, but if you make it a habit every time you both go through relationship problems, the other would eventually get tired and give up playing. If you need to solve a problem, confront your partner and address the problem instead of waiting for them to feel something is wrong. In a relationship, there shouldn’t be a more authoritative and powerful person.
Give each other personal space
Even if you are already in a romantic relationship, you need to know that you still need your time and space. You still have to live your life and you have your own responsibilities and business to attend to. As mentioned above, don’t let the relationship get too ordinary. However, don’t be too clingy, as being too attached to your lover can lead to a breakup if he gets tired. Sometimes, give your partner some time for himself. Allow yourself to spend time with each other’s interests. Also, don’t ban your partner from seeing their friends. Tell yourself that you don’t need to give up your life once you’re in a relationship because it’s okay to choose how to live your life. The only difference is that you already have someone to share it with.
Be a good and strong team
Once you and another person are in a romantic relationship, you become a team. While your happiness is still important, both of you should at least try to focus on the other’s happiness rather than your own. There shouldn’t be someone who is more important and should be prioritized when you are in a relationship because, if anything, you and your partner should be best friends who always support each other.
When your partner is having a fall, be his shoulder and in return, he will do the same if you are in ruins. When someone outside of the relationship resigns over the well being of you or your partner, support each other. Be a strong team if you really want to save your relationship, don’t torment your partner for his mistakes, rather help him get back up. Don’t belittle each other for whatever flaws you have. Always stay on the bright side and avoid ‘what if’ questions. With whatever effort either of you has to go through, you should be together.