Do you want to bring a touch of originality to your sex life which has been in “nap mode” since the arrival of Baby? Why not get into Tantrism? This practice, inspired by an Indian doctrine, would achieve perfect harmony with your other half. Making love in a perfect and sincere osmosis beyond the sexual conventions symbolized by the idea of performance, this is the goal of tantric sex. But how is it practiced?
Originally, they are texts, doctrines and rituals, made up of rules, and based on the use of all the positive energies which animate man. It is therefore a matter of rigorous discipline, of work on oneself. Etymologically, it is the conjunction of two Sanskrit words: tanoti which means expansion and trayati, liberation, which gave the word tantra, “expansion-liberation.”
Tantric sex is a perfect way to connect with you and your partner. Discover its psychological benefits and the easiest postures to start practicing it.
Table of Contents
Tantrism, what is it?
The word Tantrism is a term of Sanskrit origin which means “woven together.” This philosophy, coming from India, thus designates a perfect union between body and mind. Adapted to sex, Tantrism is largely inspired by yoga and meditation in its principles, that is to say, concentration, breathing and slow movements. The goal of tantric sex is therefore to find harmony and balance within the couple, to end up increasing the pleasures tenfold. Ideal when you have just had a child and have abandoned your sex life for a while. In theory, the principle is simple … but the practice requires patience. The “”as recommended by the precepts of Tantrism can take time to be assimilated and adapted to our sexuality.
What is tantric sex?
The sex in bed or anywhere can take different meanings depending on how we live. Through tantric sex, we are encouraged to literally “weave” with the other person. In other words, according to tantra, sexual positions in couples aim to unite the male and female forces that we all carry within us. Its goal is therefore to try to discover what unites us to the other and to become aware of it during sexual intercourse and the pleasure that this induces us.
Although Tantra has a more religious or spiritual purpose, the reality is that we can learn from this discipline to learn more about sex and to connect more with our partner on a psychological level. In this way, tantra and the sexuality it induces can make us feel more connected, alienated and learn more about pleasure with our partner.
Therefore, practicing tantric sex in a more western way involves enjoying our relationships more and not just focusing on orgasm. Most couples or people who start doing sexual tantra tend to feel more oneness and a deeper love when they practice this type of sex.
How does tantric sex stand out?
The mood of tantric sex should be calm. In the life of young parents, these moments are rare so you might as well take advantage of them! It includes a lot of caresses, listening to the breath, kisses, massages. The gaze and all the senses for that matter will play a primordial role. You have to look yourself straight in the eye as often and for a long time as possible. Then, we focus on touch: we hug the hands, arms, face, stroke, legs. The bodies must listen to each other.
What is the tantric method?
Tantric sex has the particularity of being very long, on average 2 or 3 hours of intercourse. The body is fully stimulated, and not just the areas considered sexual. Both partners focus both on their desire but also and above all on that of the other in the most perfect balance possible.
Breathing and meditation
Like yoga, tantrism is based on breathing. Sit cross-legged face to face and focus your gaze on your partner’s eyes. Breathe simultaneously: inhale and exhale together, then alternate your breaths as if you were taking possession of his breath, and therefore of his body. This exercise allows you to relax and enter through the gaze into an even deeper intimacy. To prepare for it, think about a small meditation session to do beforehand.
Touch
Then place yourself naked against each other always cross-legged, the gaze never leaves the eyes of the partner. Start the experience by touching and stroking your hands, arms, face, or neck, then start kissing. Every gesture should be felt from start to finish. When the excitement reaches its peak, the two lovers move on to a slow penetration and still focused on the movements and the breathing.
Tantric orgasm
In tantrism, the orgasm runs through the whole body and can be very long with training. It is therefore a question of mastering the contractions linked to this powerful rise in desire by breathing as deeply as possible and by strengthening your perineum. Some experienced couples reach orgasm without penetration or ejaculation.
Psychological benefits of tantric sex
As we have pointed out, tantra in sex can benefit us psychologically. This way, even though we don’t have the spiritual beliefs behind it, there are many benefits that we can get from using tantric when we have sex with others. According to psychologists, we can derive the following from this way of thinking about partner sex.
Communication
The tantric sex does not simply mean to aim for orgasm. In this, his practitioners try to slow down. For this reason, this type of sex tries to give rise to a greater awareness of the bond with the other. It is for this reason that there are tantric massages or tantric masturbation which promotes communication both with ourselves and with others.
Release blockages and leave shame behind
There are people who, despite their age or their experience of sexual positions, are still ashamed to go to bed with someone. Tantric sex involves leaving behind those types of thoughts that block us and prevent us from enjoying those intimate moments with someone or with ourselves.
Help alleviate sexual trauma
In some cases, people who have suffered during a sexual practice and have trauma, can alleviate these types of thoughts and emotions related to these practices through tantric sex.
Self-knowledge
While we believe that sex is only for pleasure, the reality is that self-exploration or sex games which can involve experimenting your on your sex dreams, can help us get to know ourselves from another perspective. Through tantric massage or performing various tantric sex positions, we can experience something in ourselves that we might not have imagined.
More libido and sexual desire
Some people may experience low libido or desire for sex due to certain psychological conditions such as stress, depression, low self-esteem, among others. By incorporating tantra into sex, people can momentarily leave behind many problems without associating them with sex.
Stress release
The Tantra in sex involves relax and enjoy the moment. Therefore, these positions in sex create the perfect environment to be present here and now.
More connections within the couple
When practicing tantric sex, couples have more intimate moments. Normally, sex and pleasure are closely related, but intimacy and emotional connection are also fundamental elements that we must experience during these times. For this reason, through tantric sex, people feel more connected to each other and to themselves.
Here are some of the benefits of incorporating tantra into sex. Despite this, if you have problems enjoying your sexuality, it is essential to consult aspecialized psychologist to fully experience this intimate part of our life.
How to prepare your mind
Tantra is a spiritual practice, which means that your mind comes into play as much as your body. When you practice tantra, you connect your body, your mind and your soul. A clear mindset and the willingness to step out of your comfort zone are important in bringing these parts of yourself together. Some people find that spending 10 to 15 minutes in meditation can help prepare your mind for tantra practice because it allows you to go inward and examine your thoughts.
●Concentrate on the breath. Take 15 to 30 minutes to breathe gently into your lower abdomen and lower back, and get in touch with what is going on in your mind – whether it is stress or fulfilling your desires.
●Stretch for a few minutes. As you stretch each limb, clear your mind of all the negative thoughts that are overwhelming you. The more you unpack, the lighter you will become.
●Spend at least 30 minutes a day journaling. Review the thoughts that may be blocking your spiritual growth by writing them down.
How to prepare your space
Tantra is a holistic practice. It’s not about sex or orgasm – it’s about the journey to get there. Your surroundings have a direct impact on your state of mind and your ability to relax and enjoy this trip.
●Make sure your space is at a comfortable temperature. If it’s cold, turn on the heat an hour before your workout to keep your bedroom comfortable and warm. If it is hot, turn on the air conditioner, but set it to the high 70s temperature, so that the space is cool, but not cold.
●Set the mood with candles or tinted bulbs. Candle light will add romance to the space, while soft red bulbs will add a sultry touch to the space.
●Fill the space with your favorite scent. Light a scented candle, diffuse an essential oil, burn incense sticks or hang flowers.
●Pick a scent that makes you sexy, but not overwhelming.
●Soften your space. Lay down a satin blanket and some plush pillows.
●Create a romantic or sexual mood. Play music that you can move around, alone or with a partner.
How to build the moment when you are alone
There are many ways to apply Tantric principles when you are alone. But remember that the end of the game isn’t always masturbation – you can work up to the single player game or decide not to go at all.
Meditation
Meditation is a great way to let go of whatever is holding you back. But instead of letting the energy escape from you, take root. As you meditate, allow your energy to flow down into the earth. Let this energy build up and spread throughout your body, giving you strength.
Self-massage
Make your self-massage an experience for the whole body. Take your favorite oil or lotion and pour it all over your skin. As you rub in your oil or lotion, spend some time massaging your stomach, groin, inner thighs, arms, neck, and chest.
Masturbation
Solo play doesn’t always have to be about achieving orgasm. Instead, take the time to really explore your genitals and what gives them – and gives you – pleasure. Touch yourself in a new way. Slow down your strokes. Soften the way you play with yourself.
How to build the moment with a partner
Remember that tantra extends beyond sex – you can work up to that or choose not to go at all. You and your partner can apply Tantric principles to other practices that may constitute the present moment.
Preliminaries
Foreplay can be anything you like – oral, massage, showering together. But whatever you do, make sure you and your partner are fully present. Sit in front of your partner. Look you in the eye. Start moving your body slightly as you breathe. After five minutes, start to touch yourself sensually, taking turns massaging your arms, legs, neck and other parts. After five more minutes, start kissing – and only kiss each other. Focus on every physical sensation you feel in the present moment.
Gender
You can have sex or not! Tantra is more about connection than anything else. If you choose to have sex, take it easy. And don’t be afraid to be creative! Try new positions, touch each other in new ways, and explore unearthed desires. But, above all, immerse yourself fully in the experience, letting the tension build up as you spend time on one sultry practice before moving on to the next.
Sleeping together or cuddling
Sleeping with your partner allows you to exchange and weave energies, thus fostering a deeper connection. To do this, consider a spoon position. The partner in the back sends the energy (donor), while the partner in the front absorbs it (receiver). Snuggle up against each other with your heart and stomach aligned. The donor should have the arms wrapped around the receiver, the hand on the heart of the receiver. The receiver should rest their hand on top. Stay still for a few moments, then begin to harmonize your breathing and allow the energy to flow freely between you.
3 ways to control your sexual energy
Desire is at the heart of this research, because you have to learn to control your sexual energy. There are a thousand ways to do this. Read below and find how to control your sexual energy.
●Strengthen your penis: the exercise consists of holding a towel over your erect penis to harden it, a kind of genital weightlifting. The testicles and perineum also strengthen.
●Strengthen your vagina: thanks to contractions of the perineum or geisha balls, erotic sensations are intensified.
●Resist the call of orgasm: alone or with your partner, try to delay enjoyment to increase your power. For this exercise, when excitement is at its peak, take a deep breath and contract the muscles to stop ejaculation or orgasm. To be repeated several times (nine times according to Chinese precepts). At two, count ten seconds one inside the other without movement. It’s about controlling the pressure in your body.
General tips and tricks
Tantra is not a universal product. There are a few things you can do to improve your practice to make it a satisfying – and unique – experience:
●Nudity is optional. You can start dressed and stay dressed or remove every inch of fabric. The key is to do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Whether that means to be naked or not is up to you.
●Pay attention to your breath. Deep breathing is a vital part of tantra. By focusing on your breathing, you allow yourself to be present in the present moment and to immerse yourself in the experience.
●Use all of your senses. Light scented candles. Play soft and sultry music. Touch yourself or your partner slowly. Look you in the eye. Savor the taste of your partner’s kisses. Engaging all of your senses during your tantra practice will help you experience all pleasurable sensations more fully.
●Go slowly. An important part of tantra is learning to feel and experience everything more deeply. And the way to do it is to take it slow. Don’t rush tantra – instead relax your mind and enjoy every second of the practice.
●Explore your whole body or that of your partner. Slowly stroke your hands over your body or that of your partner. Let them use their tongues to explore your mouth as you kiss. Or gently slide their lips down your chest. Do the same to them.
●Experience. Kink and BDSM, for example, often incorporate Tantric principles. So, when you practice tantra, you don’t have to stick to tradition. Think outside the box – and if that means using a box, have fun with it.
●You don’t have to be a complete tantra. You can add elements to what you are already doing in the bedroom – alone or with your partner. This could be incorporating meditation into foreplay or focusing more on deep breathing during a solo session.
Tantric sex positions: 5 exercises to practice
Tantric positions can help you experience tantra during sex. Some of the most popular tantric sex practices are as follows:
Create a sacred space
To experience tantra in sex, it is essential to have our own sacred space. It doesn’t involve going to a temple or having a different room, just leaving behind anything that can distract us during tantric sex. To do this, turn off everything technological, light candles or incense, and try to prepare a calm environment to open your mind and relax during sex.
Look each other in the eye
During tantric sex or in any of the tantric sex positions, looking into each other’s eyes is essential. That is why you should try to keep your gaze with your partner as much as possible. A good exercise in tantric sex is looking at the other person trying to feel the most for two minutes. During this period, you need to explore your emotions or sensations and learn from them.
Tantric circuit
Put your right hand on your partner’s heart and vice versa. As you feel more connected to each other, each should put their left hand in theirs. Synchronize breathing with slow, deep breaths. As you breathe in, receive the breath and love of your heart, and as you breathe out, send that love to that of your partner. You can do this to get into a meditative state during sex.
Tantric massage
The tantric massage is one of the most famous parts of Tantra in sex. To achieve them, one of the members of the couple must stretch on the bed while the other party slowly and meditatively massages all parts of their body. It is not a massage to eliminate contractures, but a soft and very meditative touch.
Yab-yum position
It is one of the most famous tantric sex positions. During this, the partner sits cross-legged on a pillow, while the other places their legs above those of their partner. The arms of the base person should go around the waist of the companion. The heads can be cheek to cheek or you can touch each other face to face. In this position, start by taking a few deep, slow breaths. Try to touch each part of the other and follow your intuition for the rest.
In tantric sex, orgasm is less important than feeling more in the moment and connecting more intimately with each other. This is why it is a practice that makes us experience sex from a different angle.
The X position
As the name suggests, for this position, the legs of two partners must be between each other. Both partners should be turned towards each other. You, above, you should then lie back, holding your partner’s wrists and crossing your legs behind their back. It’s up to you to set the pace, without doing all the work either: your partner must focus on him or her too!
Scissors
Lying on your side, you should bend one leg and stretch out the other. Your sweetheart should stand behind you, hug you to the side and keep your leg stretched out between his. Be careful, this comfortable position can play tricks on you and easily fall asleep.
The hot seat
In this position your partner kneels down and you kneel down so that you are on their knees and your body is touching as much as possible. Your legs will be between his and he can wrap his arms around your hips or waist or even reach between your legs to rub your clit. You will control the movement with your own hips. You can move your hips up and down or in a circular motion. Do not hesitate to take a break if this effort is tiring.
Put him in a sitting position on his knees with his legs bent at the knee. This will force your butt back, like a lap dance, giving him a great view and allowing you to grind her against him. Try out the driver’s position in the back on a sofa.
The butterfly
This common tantric sex position requires a flat, low piece of furniture like a table or a bed. You will lie down and he will grab you by the buttocks to lift your hips towards his pelvis while standing. This position is ideal for resting your ankles on his shoulders. In the butterfly position, your back will leave the table and you can use your arms to prop up your body. A pillow under the back or the hips can make it more comfortable. If you close your legs and keep them straight, you will enter the mermaid position, which will make your partner’s penis bigger.
The lock
Leaning on the edge of the counter or on a piece of furniture or an appliance facing your partner is the first step towards the padlock. Your partner sits between your legs and you lock them around their waist. Lean back on your arms for leverage and for a breathtaking view of your partner’s body. It also gives her access to your clit!
The goal of tantra
Nonetheless, original ideas about tantra and sex focus on bringing opposites – usually a man and a woman – together to join the sexual energy. Tantra teaches that you can combine your energy with that of the world around you through sex. It is important to integrate your heart and body, and not just your mind, to have enlightened tantric sex.
Applying tantra to sex helps prevent massive energy exodus from the body after an orgasm or minimize the effects that sudden loss of energy can have. The idea of loss of energy and sexuality is similar to how Taoists perceive chi or qi (a form of energy sometimes described as a life force, and tantric sex might be more easy to digest if you are already familiar with Hinduism or other Eastern philosophies. However, there are many practices in tantric sex that can work hand in hand with other belief systems.