Top 15 Reasons Couples Divorce After Years Of Marriage

If you or someone you know recently divorced after twenty plus years of marriage, you are not alone. There is a boom in divorces in old age, also referred to as “gray divorces.” In 2010, one in four divorces involved people aged 50 and over, and the chances of divorce among those over 50 were more than double that of 1990, according to the National Center For Family and Marriage Research of the University of Bowling Green in Ohio.

But why do couples split up after so long together? How can you prevent it from happening to your marriage too? The founding principle of marriage is “stay together until death do you part.” In theory, because given the recent times, it doesn’t take much to ask for separation and in extreme cases, divorce. Stress, fatigue, daily problems lead to quarrels, misunderstandings, discussions, disagreements with a consequent decrease in complicity and libido, which in a couple relationship is the signal that something is wrong.

The main reasons of couples divorce

Almost one in two marriages does not exceed 9 years. With an average of 130,000 divorces per year, or 356 divorces per day, married couples most often separate 5 years after their union. What are the most common causes that lead married couples to break up?


Whether it’s a one-night stand or a nurtured double life, cheating on your partner remains by far the most important cause of divorce. However, if this idyll continues, statistics show that second unions are less at risk of divorce and concern up to 28% of marriages.

Disagreements over the future

Joint projects and looking in the same direction is a pillar of the couple that can quickly falter if not enough maintained. Knowing how to put aside disagreements to build a future together requires daily but necessary attention.


The intrusive mother-in-law is not just a cliché. The burden of the in-laws can be heavy for one of the partners who does not feel supported by their spouse.

They are bored

Steve Siebold brings up boredom. “Having the same person around you 24/7 and depending on the relationship can lead to boredom,” he says. In other cases, people stop trying. “You work hard, you work hard and you take care of the relationship, but you have stopped being a caring and charming spouse.


Divergence in spending and economic difficulties can become the main cause of the breakdown. Perhaps one of the spouses is a spendthrift while the other prefers to save, as Siebold explains. “Children’s activities, expenses and university fees consume the money available and, very soon, you find yourself overwhelmed with debt.”


Sexual incompatibility can become more pronounced, says Jessica O’Reilly, author of The New Sex Bible. “The hormonal changes that occur with age can cause changes in sexual desire. Even if every couple, at every age, undergoes variations in desire, this aspect can become accentuated over the years.”

Physical attraction

It will sound strange but over the years the physical attraction that individuals in a couple feel for each other could be a valid reason for divorce; according to this study, in fact, it emerges that the physical appearance, especially for men, is so important that when it decreases it increases the possibility of separation by 50%. It is therefore important not to let yourself go immediately after the wedding because self-care will help keep your marriage going.

Number of friendships

According to the research, couples who have a fairly active social life are more likely to be happy; data in hand, couples who have more than 200 friends have a 92% chance of living a peaceful relationship, while those who have at most 10 friends seem to have very low chances of living a lasting marriage. Isolation is not good for your relationship apparently, ergo go out more often and relate to as many people as possible, only then will yours remain a happy marriage.

The cost of marriage

Surely none of you have ever thought about it before, but it seems that wedding expenses are among the most common causes of divorce: those couples who squander luxurious and exaggerated wedding fortunes seem to be 46% more likely to get to separate; ergo be careful not to waste money on trivial details and decide together every expense to be faced in view of your wedding.

Duration of the engagement

According to this study, a couple who has been in a relationship for more than 3 years has a 39% less chance than other couples to separate, followed by relationships between 1 and 2 years of engagement and finally those who decide to get married quickly with less than one year of attendance; from here it is clear that in order to avoid separating, it would be better to spend as much time as possible as boyfriends so as to know each other deeply and not have any nasty surprises after marriage. Relationships have different stages and you need to be careful with every stage of your relationship.

The honeymoon

Strange but true, couples who indulge in a long and relaxing honeymoon are 41% less likely to divorce as, according to this study, traveling together away from the daily grind helps the couple’s harmony. Obviously this is also valid for the following years: traveling, trying new experiences together, coming into contact with different cultures is essential if you want the marriage to last.


Living on love and fresh water is not always enough in everyday life. Whether it is the incompatibility of schedules or individual lifestyles, it is the source of many divorce. 

Abusive behavior

Unhealthy jealousy, violence, moral harassment, latent neuroses can come to light or develop at all times of married life and give the impression of sharing life with a partial stranger.


As hormonal changes occur with age, the couple may suffer from mutual sexual disinterest. It is advisable to talk about it and ask for help so as not to let the situation stagnate until it becomes overwhelming. Try tantric sex and even maybe kinky sex to spice up your sexual relationship with your partner.


Committing to a partner with a significant age difference is a risk taken in the long term because the differences between the two individuals widen more than they disappear. In addition, midlife crises sometimes trigger a reflexive drive to attract a younger spouse as a reaction to the fear of death.

Divorce: 7 tips to avoid separation

Are the separations due to the disagreement between the partners or to an overly demanding vision of love? Some tips to avoid running into love disaster.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship

There is no such thing as “perfect” love just as there is no such thing as a perfect person. Sometimes your partner can be irritating, irrational, difficult or will not understand you. But, revelation, neither can you. So get used to the idea not of having the ideal relationship, but of a union “satisfying enough” to be happy.

Blame Love, not your partner

When you’re having trouble, you tend to be angry with your partner. Indeed, who else to blame for the sadness felt if it is not the person who shares your daily life? Except you’re lying to yourself. You are trying something really hard: life as a couple, which more than half of couples don’t do. Rather than projecting all of your hopes onto your partner and blaming them for disappointment, zoom out and look your definition of love in the face. Isn’t she, ultimately, the big culprit?

Be kind to your husband

You have chosen your favorite person in the world to get married. At first, nothing was too much trouble for you. Yes, but there you go. Time has passed and you have become tough and demanding. Remember, however, that your husband has gone from being a lover to a father, confidant, driver, budget manager, flu nurse and sexual partner. The list of tasks is so long that if it was a job no one would apply.

Be prepared to love, not just to be loved

We are all naturally made to be loved. We remember the unconditional love of our parents (for the most part), always ready to be supportive and protective. Sure, but they never talk about how many times they bite their tongue to keep from screaming, or how many times they fought back tears of exhaustion before collapsing fully clothed after a hard day.

Accept the administrative part of love

No, we don’t live on love and fresh water. Household chores, bills, plumber, budget, paperwork … so many responsibilities, certainly not very glamorous, but essential and which are the substrate of your commitment. See it as a romantic act in the sense of “lasting commitment.”

Sex and love don’t always go together

Interest in sex in relationships is waning. It’s chemical and it’s nobody’s fault. To project oneself into a long relationship means accepting that there are other key concerns such as sharing, administrative tasks. Your desire will necessarily suffer. It is not a question of resigning oneself, but of finding solutions to keep the flame alive.

Face the facts

The right person is the one who shares our interests and our approach to life in general. At the beginning, at least. Over time, differences inevitably emerge. The person we need is not our exact reflection in a mirror. She is the one who can share her choices intelligently and with mutual respect. In short, one who demonstrates an ability to tolerate and accept our differences.

Dispute in the couple: the main causes and their solution

We often hear that a couple who is arguing is a healthy couple. This is true, but all the same, these conflicts must be resolved with respect for both partners. But what are the most common causes of arguments in a relationship? Here are top 5 causes of disagreement most often in the couple, with my suggestions for solutions.


One of the main sources of quarrels in a relationship is household chores. Without wanting to generalize, it is often the women who trigger the discussion because they find that their partner is not doing enough in the house. If the situation has been going on for a while, it’s normal for them to feel frustrated and feel like they have to hold the house at arm’s length.

Track solution

First, you have to recognize that your partner does not necessarily have the same level of tolerance as you for the disorder. It is quite possible that the few plates lying around on the counter bother him much less than you. In this sense, we must therefore establish together what must be done. Go according to the tasks that you least dislike. Does he hate doing the dishes? Leave him the vacuum cleaner and the broom. Generally, men like concrete solutions; don’t be shy about making a list for him to check off. The important thing is that the distribution of household chores is fair.


Money is a real source of conflict when the partners do not have the same relationship with the budget. As a couple, we have a lot of financial obligations, and if one of them tends to believe that the other is throwing money down the drain, it creates insecurity, and a source of argument. You both can try making money online from home and have a financial stability. After that the problem will be solved.

Track solution

The best solution to resolving financial disputes is to establish a common budget, leaving room for personal expenses with the money each person earns. Opening a joint account allows you to have control over joint expenses, and to use the rest for something else. But be careful, you don’t have a say in each other’s personal expenses if all joint accounts are paid. Basically, it’s his money. Meeting with a financial advisor is also a good way to see things more clearly.

Children’s education

The education of children can become a very delicate subject within the couple. While you might seem to be on the same page when discussing it before your offspring arrived, the fact remains that when faced with a fait accompli, everything can look a lot different. It often happens that one is more tolerant than the other, etc.

Track solution

First of all, you have to agree on the basic values ​​that you want to pass on to your children. Then you can establish common ground on how to intervene. Do you advocate self-discipline by letting the child discover the consequences of their actions for themselves, or do you prefer to rely on positive reinforcement? The important thing is to get along, and especially not to contradict the other in front of the children. If you do not agree with the intervention, wait until you are alone with the other to discuss it. A family coach can also help you better assess your situation.

Lack of communication

Without generalizing, it is often the women who deplore the lack of communication of their spouse. Men are less likely than women to come out on the outside, and this can create insecurity. The famous “What are you thinking?” Is becoming more and more frequent, but it has the opposite effect. Keep in mind that the more the spouse feels obliged to discuss, the more they will close themselves off.

Track solution

First, we must realize that man is not naturally open to talking about his emotions. On the other hand, it is important for the life of the couple to exchange and share, because this is what solidifies the couple. So I suggest making time each day to discuss everything and nothing, to share the ups and downs of the day, and to share your love for each other. In this way, discussions do not necessarily take place in a conflictual context with a “There, we have to talk!” »Well felt.


The source of conflicts related to sexuality lies above all at the level of the difference in libido that separates the two partners. One would want a greater sexual frequency, and the other does not feel that desire. This sexual divergence creates a source of frustration which can be reflected in everyday life.

Track solution 

For a multitude of reasons, sexuality must still hold an important place within the couple. It allows for the sharing of deep intimacy, and it’s a great way to tell if our couple is healthy. In a situation where the libido is not equal, it is often the one with the strongest who suffers. We must therefore find a common ground where, on the one hand, one understands that he will not have sex as often as he would like, but also, on the other hand, the other will have to do the effort to regain a libido worthy of a sexually healthy couple.

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