Whether romantic, family, friendly or professional, toxic relationships are more common than you might think. Knowing how to take the necessary distance to recognize them allows one to free oneself from these harmful relationships signs that should alert you.
In a toxic relationship, one partner is often manipulated by the other. It is often not easy to spot the signals of a toxic relationship since it is often done gradually and subtly. The manipulative partner is often perfect, at his best, at the start of a relationship. They’ll bombard you with compliments and gifts, then change their behavior, and show you their real personality when the relationship sets in.
If you or someone close to you could be in a situation like this, it is important to act quickly. Although this type of relationship is already very harmful on a daily basis, a toxic partner could also eventually become violent, either mentally or physically.
Table of Contents
The signs of a toxic relationship
We know that relationships are not always like in the romantic movies, but we also know that they should bring us happiness, and not make us suffer. Read below and find out which are the signs of a toxic relationship.
This relationship doesn’t make you smile
This is the most obvious sign and yet we often miss it! Because we feel in love, because we don’t want to let a person down, because we say to ourselves that it is so, because we “have our heads in the handlebars”… We don’t always take the necessary hindsight to ask yourself the most fundamental thing in order to know if a relationship is good for us.
You feel unwell
This warning sign is closely related to the first, but it is more subtle. Sometimes, we don’t feel very good with a person, without knowing how to explain why. Maybe some personality traits echo things you don’t like about yourself (the famous mirror effect!) Or childhood wounds. Maybe this person is manipulating you, but you don’t really realize it. Either way, feeling bad around someone is a sign that should alert you.
There is a form of violence
Again, this may seem obvious, but the violence is often more subtle than you might think. There is physical violence of course, verbal violence, which can take the form of insults. Everyone will agree that this is unacceptable. But there are also more insidious forms of violence. This violence manifests itself in repeated headaches, reproaches, psychological manipulations.
You are in a relationship of dependence
Many toxic relationships originate in a relationship of dependency that creates too high expectations of the other. It is up to you to find happiness and serenity and it is the same for others. People are not there to fill in the gaps! Having these kinds of expectations necessarily generates frustration.
Communication is not smooth
A complicated, if not impossible, dialogue is a sign of a toxic relationship. Maintaining healthy relationships with those around you requires being able to communicate more or less fluidly. Do you close yourself off and put the blame on the other and vice versa? Can’t chat without arguing? Your arguments are strewn with “you made me”, “you are not enough”. Disagreements can be resolved as long as you show empathy and acknowledge your mistakes. Without it, the relationship is unhealthy.
You can’t be yourself
Are you afraid to give your opinion, to say what you think? The other does not support certain aspects of your personality or certain of your activities which characterize the person that you are? We cannot modulate people, control their behavior, change them to correspond to what we would like them to be, or at least not without making them extremely unhappy. We have to accept others as they are, or go our way. Otherwise, we risk slipping into a toxic relationship.
You pull yourself down
A healthy relationship, whether romantic, friendly or professional, should inspire us and bring out the best in everyone. A lover, parent or friend must want your good and want to see you happy. A manager or coworker must want you to give your best and feel fulfilled at work. If you can’t do this and your dark sides stand out when you’re with each other and vice versa, there’s a problem.
He or she rummages through your personal belongings
Yes, it is important to be honest and transparent with our partners, but everyone has a right to their secret garden. If your sweetheart demands access to your phone, emails, or personal finances, something is wrong.
He or she controls your appearance
The goal of a toxic person is to lower your personal confidence so that you eventually believe that no one else wants you except him or her. Sometimes the person will prevent you from wearing something, discourage you from cutting your hair, or even criticize your weight.
He or she controls your relationships with others
One of the most serious signs to look out for is when you start to lose friends. A partner doesn’t have to adore everyone around you, but if he or she asks you to cut certain people off from your lives, or worse, certain members of your family, he or she is trying to get you isolate.
He or she “gaslight” you
Getting “gaslighted” is when you attempt to express something to your partner and he or she will not only disprove what you are saying but make you feel like you have made it all up. For example, you could say “I don’t like it when you talk to me in this tone”, and the person will answer you: “You are crazy, I never speak in a mean tone, you are the one who talks to me about unacceptable way ”.
He or she punishes you in different ways
As we know, communication is the key to a healthy relationship. However, if your partner ignores you when you have done something he or she thinks is wrong, he or she takes control of the situation by cutting off the communication. It is a manipulative and childish technique that does not have to be. Also, if your partner makes you feel bad when you don’t feel like having sex or, on the contrary, “punishes” you by refusing affection, this is very toxic.
He or she denigrates what you like
If your partner tends to make you feel less than nothing, this is a glaring sign. He or she could also insult your friends, your passions, your job, anything that is close to your heart. He or she could also disparage your problems by telling you that they are less important than theirs, this is also a sign to look out for.
You have a feeling that something is wrong
We often have a “gut feeling” when something is wrong, and you have to listen to it. Our bodies may try to warn us when a relationship is toxic. You could have a stomach ache, nausea, sleeplessness, and these physical signs are crucial.
You must walk on eggshells
If you feel like you constantly have to be careful about what you’re saying or doing in your relationship, that’s not normal. You should be able to be yourself and make mistakes without being afraid of overreacting.
You no longer do anything alone
As stated earlier, a toxic partner is going to want to isolate you from others, and ridicule your passions and hobbies. Then he or she might intrude into everything you do, or make you feel bad if you “leave him or her alone for a night.” While it is important to spend time as a couple, it is also very healthy to have each other’s activities.
Jealousy
It is easy to interpret jealousy for passion. In small doses, this is normal, but when it becomes excessive, we fall into toxicity. If your partner starts accusing you of infidelity because you were, for example, courteous to the employee at the pharmacy, something is hiding!
What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is a dysfunctional relationship, which can extend from several months to several years, between two individuals. This relationship can be romantic, friendly, or professional, and is usually not based on mutual respect or healthy communication.
Despite the differences, the two people continue to hang out all the same, without actually working on the situation, which contributes to the deterioration of the relationship.
A toxic relationship is not just about one person, but about the merging of all the people who make up the relationship. So there is usually the person who acts and the person who suffers without saying anything.
How to act in the face of the toxic relationship?
The best solution is to cut ties or at least gradually distance yourself from that person who is having a negative impact on your mood, your confidence and your life in general. Sometimes it’s good to remember that only we have real power over our lives and that there are some things that cross the line of respectable.
17 signs that you’re the toxic person in your relationship
You make a mega superiority complex
Contemptuous people destroy their relationship simply by seeing their partner as inferior to them. Rolling eyes, pouting disgust, sarcasm are just a few of the expressions of contempt that you bestow on your partner. The University of Michigan studied 373 newly married couples and found that couples who argued, displayed contempt for each other, or shied away from conflict in the first year of their marriage were the most likely to divorce.
You are a master in the art of manipulation
We all know that lying is damaging to any relationship, but leading the other down is downright destructive. This strategy (also known as “gaslighting”) is a form of mental abuse of accusing your partner of losing their mind or becoming paranoid in order to distract from your blatant lies. “It’s a triple threat: you don’t divulge information, you lie about it, and then you manipulate the other into believing that he or she is the cause of the problem.
You are a killjoy
People who lack self-confidence tend to sabotage a perfectly healthy relationship by over-analyzing every kiss, every word, or by harboring an unhealthy fear of being abandoned by the other. Studies suggest that people with low self-esteem are more likely than others to fear rejection and avoid any behavior that might cause it – such as talking to your partner about how you really feel. Unless your partner offers to help you work through your lack of confidence, maybe it’s best to take a step back from your relationship and work on yourself.
You constantly threaten to break up
No one likes to waste their time and energy arguing, but you can’t get the breakup card out every time the going gets tough. Threatening to take a break won’t help. But you should never threaten to end a relationship unless you really intend to. Instead of trying to threaten you, take a step back and calm down and avoid being overwhelmed by thoughts and words that you might later regret.
You have too much temper
It doesn’t take much to blow yourself up. At the slightest thing wrong, you go into attack mode and derogatory remarks – which you don’t really mean. “You go through these cycles of anger, remorse and shame without really understanding. If you know that you are losing the pedals at 9, try to imagine how you feel at 2, then identify what caused this escalation to get you to calm down. When you reach 6 or 7, take a break, time to come to your senses.
You never solve any of your problems
If you neglect to nip the problems in the bud, they will only get worse and eventually explode in your face, which could make your partner resent you. There is indeed in our brain a thing called “negativity bias” which would be responsible for this resentment. Studies have even shown that when it comes to learning, forming a first opinion of someone, or making sense of their experiences, humans are more likely to use negative stimuli than positive information. This may be because the amygdala, the area of our brain that handles emotions, is slightly more receptive to negative emotions, these are generally a little more intense than those which are positive.
You are addicted to social media
We’re constantly on Facebook and Instagram shooting selfies and posting comments without ever thinking about the consequences. Yet studies have found that being heavily social media can create some ambiguities in a relationship, and even cause jealousy. It could be because you’re posting daring selfies, neglecting to post about your relationship, or flirting with exes or strangers on the internet.
You fall out quickly with your friends and acquaintances
Take a step back and look around you. Do you see friends, family members there, or on the contrary do you realize that you have burnt bridges with a lot of people around you? If so, now is the time to face it and ask yourself if the problem might not be you.
You only think about you
Narcissistic people are extremely egotistical and feel no remorse for the harm they do to others, which makes them difficult to live with. “They are only aware of what their partner is doing to them, but not at all of what they are doing to them. The first step in changing behavior is to recognize that you have a problem and find ways to fix it.
You lack determination
Nothing is more irritating than a person with chronic indecisiveness. Anything that is rewarding in your relationship flies the moment you indecision with your loved one. This way of thinking becomes problematic when you give the other person false hope when in reality you are not ready to invest in a relationship, but just don’t want to be alone or alone. You need to be honest with your partner from the start about your doubts about this relationship and what you expect from it. This way, the other will know what he is getting into.
Your friends and family are a problem
Believe it or not, your close network can screw up your relationship. “If you are surrounded by people who whisper in your ear that this person is not the one for you, that you deserve better, it could end up affecting your relationship, since you are in constant struggle with sentient beings. dear to you. If that doesn’t work, you may end up with this ultimatum: choose between your family and your partner.
You avoid conflicts like the plague
Life is full of ups and downs, just like different phases of relationships, so you need to accept that it’s not all roses and honey! People think they are doing the right thing in dodging conflict, but it’s actually an attitude that can be very dangerous. The solution is to be successful in overcoming your discomfort with conflict so that you and your partner can address the problem while showing that you are there to support and listen.
You never take responsibility for your actions
If you always blame others for your mistakes, you might be boosting your ego… but it is sure to hurt your relationship. “We all protect ourselves against suffering. You no doubt use reproach as a crutch to divert your suffering, but no one is going to accompany you on this path for very long. Admitting your mistakes is just one way to make your relationship last.
You don’t show your emotions
Even if you don’t intentionally, displaying a marble face or lacking sensitivity towards your loved one can make them doubt your true feelings. This plunges him into deep insecurity because he or she will interpret it as a threat, even if it is not. Offer active listening by making sounds and facial expressions when your partner talks to you to let them know what you think.
You humiliate your partner
Some people are unaware of the effects of their hurtful criticism. They can without batting an eyelid humiliate someone because of their appearance, their sexual desires or their career. If you’ve been called a little bully many times before, you might want to sort out this problem before you find yourself alone. Make a list of tactics to help you articulate your problem with your loved one, but with love in it.
You don’t support your partner
In a relationship, it is important that each protects the other. But anytime you allow a family member or friends to speak badly about your partner, you are breaking this rule. No one is going to go out with you if they doubt your solidarity. If you do not meet this need so that the other feels this sense of security, you are undermining the very foundations of this desire to share another person’s life.
Your partner is always the last to know what’s going on
Every relationship is in a hierarchy, and the person you love should be at the top of that pyramid, which means he or she is the first person you confide in. Any breach of this rule could be interpreted as treason. You shouldn’t have to worry about what to say and what not to say to your partner. You have to take responsibility for yourself and speak freely.