Separation anxiety is a difficult and often uncomfortable feeling we experience when we are separated from someone immensely important to us. In relationships, it is especially challenging, as it can not only lead to feelings of insecurity but can also put a strain on the relationship. It’s important to recognize the symptoms of separation anxiety and realize that it is just normal, if sometimes uncomfortable. Learning how to cope with separation anxiety and manage it in order to continue on a healthy path in the relationship can go a long way. In this article, we outline useful tips to help couples deal with separation anxiety in their relationship.
What is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is the intense fear of being separated from an important figure such as a partner, friend, family member, and so on. It has been heavily researched and is particularly common in children, adolescents, and adults in relationships.
Symptoms of Separation Anxiety
Understanding the different symptoms of separation anxiety can help couples recognize when it is a factor in their relationship. Common symptoms of separation anxiety include:
• Excessive worrying about one’s partner
• Invasive thoughts or feelings of distress when separated from one’s partner
• Fear of abandonment or the relationship ending
• Insecure feelings when a partner is away or spending time with friends rather than them
• Difficulty being away from the partner, even for short periods of time
• Constant calls, texts, or emails when the partner is away
• Difficulty trusting in the relationship
• Overthinking conversations or events
• Insisting that everything needs to be done together
• Obsessive thinking about the partner and their whereabouts
Learning to Cope With Separation Anxiety
For couples to maintain a healthy, loving partnership, it’s important to learn strategies to cope and manage this type of anxiety when it arises. Here are some helpful tips to cope with separation anxiety:
• Accept the Uncomfortable Feelings
When anxiety arises, it is so important to recognize our feelings and embrace them rather than ignore them or let them spiral out of control. By acknowledging them, we can put things into perspective and let go of the worry.
• Practice Self-Care
When we are in a relationship, it’s normal to feel more connected to our partner and as a result, wind up neglecting our own needs and wants. Practicing self-care is a great way to re-center ourselves and reduce stress and anxiety. Whether that be going to a yoga class, meditating, reading a book, or doing something else that brings peace.
• Have Open, Honest Conversations
The best way to reduce and eliminate anxiety in relationships is through honest and open communication. When being apart for longer periods of time, it’s important to check in and discuss how everyone is feeling and what additional support may be needed.
• Set Ground Rules
Agreeing on specific ground rules can be helpful for managing separation anxiety. Choose honest communication, setting boundaries, and having respect for one another when not together. This can help reduce the stress or awkwardness that can arise from existing or unaddressed tension.
• Show Appreciation
When a couple is apart, it can be easy to forget how much you appreciate your partner’s presence and the simple things they do that make the relationship healthy and growing. Sending a text or email expressing appreciation of your partner can brighten their day and help reduce anxiety on both ends.
• Give Room to Breath
It is important to recognize when your partner needs space and to give them room to breath. Some individuals respond differently to time apart, so it is essential to give each other the necessary space to explore individual wants and needs without feeling guilty or judged.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a psychotherapy that helps individuals identify and change any unhelpful thoughts and behaviors that are causing distress and leading to negative feelings. By working with an experienced therapist, couples can learn about how to manage and reduce the severity of their separation anxiety.
Developing Healthy Coping Strategies
There are many healthy coping strategies for couples to use for dealing with separation anxiety in their relationships. Some of these include:
• Scheduling activities or self-care practices to focus on
• Increasing social support from friends, family, or a therapist
• Practicing relaxation exercises such as deep breathing or mindfulness
• Allowing yourself to experience the full range of emotions without judgment
• Writing out worries or thoughts
• Taking a break from news and social media
• Avoiding excessive video calls or checking in
• Trying to focus on positive aspects of being apart
• Keeping a journal to document any positive changes
• Staying connected despite being apart by sending encouraging messages
Separation anxiety is a difficult and usually unpleasant feeling we experience when we are apart from someone important to us, such as in a relationship. By recognizing the symptoms of separation anxiety and communicating openly, couples can learn how to cope with this type of anxiety in a healthy and effective way. Taking the time to understand each other’s needs, practice self-care and accept the discomfort that sometimes arises are all helpful tips for managing separation anxiety in a relationship.