What is Gaslighting in a Relationship? Gaslighting has become an increasingly talked about term in the world of relationships and psychological wellbeing. But what is gaslighting, exactly? Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation and abuse, typically in a romantic relationship, where one partner undermines or devalues the other in attempts to gain back control and power. Unfortunately, this kind of manipulation within relationships is all too common and often goes unnoticed for long periods of time, leaving victims feeling confused and helpless.
What Are the Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship?
Gaslighting can take on many forms, often disguised as an act of kindness or love. But, if you pay close attention, there are common warning signs to look out for that may indicate your partner is gaslighting you.
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Your Partner Invalidates Your Feelings
If your partner is completely denying you of your feelings, disregarding them as invalid, or telling you they don’t exist, they may be gaslighting you. Oftentimes, a gaslighter will try to make you doubt the existence of your own emotions or experiences. -
You’re Being Lied To
We all lie from time to time, and it’s not always a cause for concern. But if your partner is regularly lying for no other reason than to make you feel bad about a situation, or to gain power and control, this is a sign of gaslighting. -
Your Partner Constantly Blames You
Gaslighters like to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, and will make you feel like the victim or like you’re to blame for situations that have no bearing on you. If your partner is constantly blaming you for their bad moods, irritating behaviors, or other petty grievances, they may be gaslighting you. -
Your Partner is Cold and Disengaged
If your partner is completely unresponsive and fails to provide emotional support when you directly communicate it, this is a red flag. Gaslighters posit themselves as superior, leaving you feeling inferior in the relationship and isolated. -
Your Partner Belittles You
Gaslighters tend to be incredibly condescending and belittling, constantly putting you down and making you second guess your worth. Belittling comments are usually cloaked in ‘just kidding’ remarks or pivoted towards a joke, but often leave you feeling attacked or belittled.
Can Gaslighting in a Relationship Cause Psychological Damage?
Yes. Gaslighting in relationships can be incredibly debilitating, leading to patterns of toxicity, insecurity, and self-doubt. What’s worse, is that the psychological damage that can be caused by gaslighting can impact all facets of your life, including your work, friendships, and even your health.
The Signs of Psychological Damage
The psychological damage that gaslighting can cause can often be hard to see from the outside, as victims often place an incredibly heavy focus on self-preservation. However, there are some tell-tale signs that can be indicative of psychological damage.
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Nervousness
Constant worry and anxiety can be major signs of psychological damage, particularly if these feelings stem from activities that should bring you joy. For example, if you feel incredibly nervous, anxious, and scared when you go on a date with your partner, this is a sign that something may be wrong. -
Insecurity
Insecurity is a tricky emotion, as it can be hard to link back to the source. If you’re consistently second-guessing yourself, feeling as though you’re not good enough, or are constantly compared to other people (real or imagined), this could be a sign that you’re feeling the effects of gaslighting. -
Low Self-Confidence
Similar to insecurity, low self-confidence is an emotional balance that may reflect gaslighting. If you find yourself lacking the confidence and self-assuredness to take risks, achieve your goals, and live your best life, this is often a sign that you need to take action. -
Poor Self Esteem
Part of being psychologically healthy is having a healthy sense of self-esteem. Low self-esteem is a major sign that you’ve been gaslighted, as gaslighting often leaves victims feeling insulted, degraded and helpless. -
Poor Mental Health
Poor mental health can range from feeling overwhelmed and stressed, to experiencing actual mental illnesses. If you’re struggling with your mental health and feel something isn’t quite right, this should always be taken seriously, as it could be an indication that you’re in an unhealthy and toxic relationship.
How to Prevent Gaslighting in Your Relationship
Gaslighting is a serious issue, and not one to be taken lightly. Victims of gaslighting can often feel powerless, helpless and alone, leaving them stuck within toxic cycles of abuse. But, there are three steps you can take to protect yourself, and help stop your partner’s gaslighting behavior.
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Set Clear Boundaries
The key to preventing gaslighting is setting clear boundaries. Talk to your partner about what kind of behavior is acceptable and unacceptable in your relationship, and ensure both of your boundaries are being respected at all times. Be firm in your stance, as this will serve to protect yourself from your partner’s gaslighting behavior. -
Speak Up
If your partner crosses any boundaries or displays any manipulative or toxic behavior, be sure to communicate it and confront your partner in a respectful and understanding way. By speaking up, you’re sending a clear message to your partner that this kind of behavior is not welcome, and won’t be tolerated. -
Seek Support
If your efforts to prevent gaslighting come to stale mate and you’re feeling overwhelmed or alone, it’s important to seek external support. Whether it’s friends and family, or a professional therapist, make sure to reach out and have someone to talk to if and when things become too much.
Gaslighting in relationships is a serious form of psychological manipulation, and it’s important to take steps to protect yourself and prevent it. Paying attention to the signs of gaslighting, setting clear personal boundaries, speaking up and seeking outside support when needed are all key components to helping prevent gaslighting in your romantic relationships.